What is your why? How setbacks can become keys to success

I want to take a moment for some transparency. I know how much I preach about body love and positivity, I still have moments of relapse and doubt. One of those moments happened for me this weekend and it was quite devastating. I got asked the question “are you pregnant?” UGH! I almost lost it. That’s one thing a non pregnant woman ever wants to hear. The worse part, it was asked by a male. It hurt to the core.

You see, I pride myself on working hard toward my goals through taking the focus off weight and uncovering the underlying things that have been going on with my body. I dealt with grief, changes in habits due to the circumstances surrounding that grief and shame that I allowed myself to travel back down a road I thought I’d overcome. In that, I wanted to ensure that any routine or food choices I made were for me and not to change my body. I didn’t want to miss the point once again and relapse as soon as something wasn’t resonating to the outside world. It was a reality check of sorts.

While I don’t get caught up in the scale or measurements, I still have a small part of me that wants to see results and have the outside world recognize those results. Bad habit. Those cruel things can be hard to break and can take a toll on you if you don’t keep them in check. I went to my car that day and and I cried like a baby. I mean, I boo hoo cried because I felt that the work and effort I was seeing was not translating in reality. I adjusted my outfit, looked in the mirror and turned from side to side. I began going down the road of self shame all over again. It made me question my mission and my worth because I have made a lot of progress and it didn’t show.

Let me tell you something….I checked myself very quickly. I focused back on what my why is and what it is not. That is where you find grounding.

My why IS NOT tied to what my body looks like to others anymore. My why IS NOT tied to my pants size. My why IS NOT tied to my waist circumference. My why IS NOT tied to how much weight I can lift. My why IS to live a long, healthy life. My why IS to be able to one day carry beautiful, loving babies if I so choose to do so. My why IS to challenge the status quo of the health and fitness industry. Most importantly, my why IS to find purpose and meaning beyond myself in this life I am so blessed to live.

I write all that to tell you, find your why. You have to become rooted and grounded in who you are and your unique journey. If you feel in your heart of hearts you are doing the right things to become the best version of yourself, there should be no room for any doubt that you are here for a reason. Even the strongest of the strong have moments of doubt about what we’re doing and if it’s making a difference. What sets us apart is the ability to go back to the core and find grounding. Your why can carry you through the darkest of days and hardest of times. 

Here are some simple steps to finding your why:

  1. Get rooted in your faith walk. Faith is key to finding what your purpose is in life. God has a plan for us all and when you can tap into His voice, you have access to all the information you need from within to carry you from where you are to where you want to be.
  2. Stop focusing on the outside world. People are entitled to their opinions. It is what makes us all unique and wonderful. Opinions are subjective. Purpose, however, is objective and there is no denying that. You have to remember that you are important and beautiful. You have a mission and it is uniquely yours. You may see others seemingly excelling at a faster rate than you are. It may detract you. One word: DON’T. Again, we are all different and your journey is yours alone. 
  3. Find passion and follow it. If you love something so much it lights your fire each and every day, follow that. Continue to study, learn, and grow in it. Don’t get caught up in the what, focus on the how. How do you ignite that fire to work at something specific to you each day? What would you do if no one else was watching or cared and it wouldn’t affect how you feel about it?
  4. Talk it out, then write it out. I talk to myself sometimes. I talk out my dreams, my visions, my next steps, then I write them down. When it comes to my health journey, I write out a plan for workouts, food, research things to help with any ailments and I see it through. Sometimes, saying things out loud and hearing them, helps translate deeper meaning. It may feel weird or awkward, but it’s really helpful in decluttering the mind. Once the mind is decluttered, the heart can soar and that’s where your why lies.
  5. Don’t get lost in short term results. Anything worth having is a fight. You have to work for it each day. There will be small successes and small setbacks along the way, but never get deterred by that. True success is a marathon, not a sprint.
  6. Be patient with yourself. I think this is a common theme in all my posts, but it’s oh so important. Never dwell on what is or isn’t. Just live and live to the fullest. You can do this! Honor yourself with the love and care you would want from others. Breathe. You are powerful! Your why is in there, and I guarantee, it’s waiting for you to slow down and nurture it.

I am offering free discovery sessions for anyone who wants more work on their why and to access their best lives. I am really thrilled and excited to share this journey with you. Again, it’s not about perfection. It’s about growth. Get grounded in yourself and let’s all change from the inside out.

To schedule a discovery session with me, email hey@werkyourcurves.com 


  1. Jessica, thank you for not laying down your pen when you was confronted by someone that directed negative judgement about your size. While this person may have offended you momentary he also has motivated your drive to continue to go stronger in promoting your purpose, business and ministry.
    Remember: weeping may endure for a night but joy cometh in the morning.
    You are more than a conqueror, keep up the excellent work you have been commissioned to do!!!

    1. Thank you so much for your kind words! Purpose is everything to me and I hope, in my transparency, I continue to drive that mission. Body shaming is never ok (the individual and I had a talk and it was all love) but it is something that is conditioned in many people. We have to challenge that notion and make change that resonates for all. Health and wellness goes above and beyond what we see. It is the inner work we do to access the best lives we can live.

  2. Beautifully written and relayed! I think many of us have been there— whether we want to admit it or not! It is so easy to bury ourselves in shame especially when it comes to our bodies. The battle starts with the mind and casting down even the negative thoughts that we think of ourselves. I love how you used this experience to build and move forward. Thank you for your transparency!

    1. Thank you for that! We all have things that can set us back and make us feel we are not on the right path. That moment was one of self checking and understanding. I have battled body image for years and I still struggle through it. But what I love more than my shell, is the person I am on the inside. That is what matters in the grand scheme of things. Little reminders are key to growth. The key is to recognize the moment and grow forward!

  3. Love the post. That is the most important thing to know the “why” of you, being comfortable in your own skin, and working towards good health, more than just the cosmetics of looking good. When I am healthy, I feel good about me, and I can really focus on the why I am here. Thanks for sharing.

    1. This is absolutely true! Being confident in who you are is so important and knowing that you are owning your own journey. You are unique and beautiful!

  4. “Talk it Out then Write it Out” thank you for this Jess. The power in the tongue to speak your vision to life and then putting in on paper is an awesome way to see things manifest. This entire article is powerful, your views are meaningful and pressing. Great work Jessica!!

    1. It’s so important to remember how powerful our words are! We are in charge of our destiny with the words we speak and the things we seek! Thank you so much for your interaction!

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